My last child starts school on Monday, and yes, I think we have probably, almost certainly decided to stop at two. I am, of course, pleased for her, and excited about all the fun she'll have and what she'll learn and so on. But...and it is a big but, you do lose a little bit of them when they go off on their own in to the world. Other adults, particularly their teachers become very important - and I think, at least for Ol are seen as brighter and more intelligent than his parents.
And we don't get to hang out so much. Of course I feel dreadfully torn about this, on one hand, I've done OK - hopefully set her up to enjoy and get the most out of her school days as a reasonably sociable well rounded child. And of course there have been times in the last four or five years when I would have happily given them to any old school just to have a few moments by myself. And now it is really happening, even to a lovely school I feel bad. I'll miss her and what will I do?
I'll have two hours - ish off every morning until Christmas - not sure I'm capable of doing much anymore to be honest. It's been four - nearly five years since I've worked for actual, like money. I've done lots of bits and pieces, work on Nursery Committees, voluntary work, swapping childcare, even a short bit of mystery shopping. I've made things - lots of things, when the moment strikes but none of this has been as tough my old job used to be. And I think that is the crux of it; working out the head space to do everything properly, without too much stress and without worrying about it. It almost seems impossible to achieve the possible.