I woke up to a total crisis in confidence. I've been stuck in the house, or very close to it for three days now. Leading me to get more and more bored.
This morning I felt like I was absolutely wasted at spending my days planning what to have for tea, organising social lives of small people, cleaning, shopping, and doing washing. I realised I was moaning as I got to the bottom of the hill, and had not said a positive word about being a stay at home mummy. Oh, except I really really do want to be there when the children go to and get out of school. It's such a lovely part of the day, and I think they really do need a parent there to discuss all their day time issues with; i.e. So and so got a yellow card in the playground, I met a policeman and so on.
But what about me? Then a chance comment by another parent really made me think. She asked in all seriousness what on earth I do all day. Again, I felt utterly useless, a bit like the comment last week from a working mother who told me she has no time for blogging because she has a life. Now of course I know I do loads and look after my family as best as I can.
I also know I couldn't cope with a high pressured full time job, and that the only time I have to work is between 9.30 and 11.30 four days a week, when J's in nursery. And if I worked in those two hours, I wouldn't be able to clear up from breakfast, wash up, clean, make beds, open curtains, do washing, shopping and so on. That is, unless I did it all after 7pm at night, which is what used to happen when I was working.
Course, rather than thinking all this through rationally, I came home from school/nursery run and watched Jeremy Kyle for the first time ever. And that made me feel even worse, as it was possible the most unproductive and counter productive use of my time ever.
However, crisis of confidence over now - course being always careful with money is a challenge, as is intellectual stimulation every now and again, I wouldn't, and I think the whole family wouldn't change our situation for anything in the world. (Course still don't like silly report that says children need mummies at home, and no divorces etc. etc.which was just one man's, and his gang's opinion really).