Thursday, 5 February 2009

Mornings are difficult at the best of times but today..

I woke up to a total crisis in confidence. I've been stuck in the house, or very close to it for three days now. Leading me to get more and more bored.

This morning I felt like I was absolutely wasted at spending my days planning what to have for tea, organising social lives of small people, cleaning, shopping, and doing washing. I realised I was moaning as I got to the bottom of the hill, and had not said a positive word about being a stay at home mummy. Oh, except I really really do want to be there when the children go to and get out of school. It's such a lovely part of the day, and I think they really do need a parent there to discuss all their day time issues with; i.e. So and so got a yellow card in the playground, I met a policeman and so on.

But what about me? Then a chance comment by another parent really made me think. She asked in all seriousness what on earth I do all day. Again, I felt utterly useless, a bit like the comment last week from a working mother who told me she has no time for blogging because she has a life. Now of course I know I do loads and look after my family as best as I can.

I also know I couldn't cope with a high pressured full time job, and that the only time I have to work is between 9.30 and 11.30 four days a week, when J's in nursery. And if I worked in those two hours, I wouldn't be able to clear up from breakfast, wash up, clean, make beds, open curtains, do washing, shopping and so on. That is, unless I did it all after 7pm at night, which is what used to happen when I was working.

Course, rather than thinking all this through rationally, I came home from school/nursery run and watched Jeremy Kyle for the first time ever. And that made me feel even worse, as it was possible the most unproductive and counter productive use of my time ever.

However, crisis of confidence over now - course being always careful with money is a challenge, as is intellectual stimulation every now and again, I wouldn't, and I think the whole family wouldn't change our situation for anything in the world. (Course still don't like silly report that says children need mummies at home, and no divorces etc. etc.which was just one man's, and his gang's opinion really).

5 comments:

Sandra Morris said...

I started my small business from home when my children were little as a way of trying to keep myself (relatively) sane, and giving me back something just for me.
Like Topsy, it's growed over the years and is such a major part of my life now, I don't know what I'd do without it......for all the ups and downs.
Maybe think about what you enjoy doing, and explore ways of doing more of it, either as a way of making money or just to give you more of a sense of freedom and independence from the occasional 'tyranny' of childcare.
And as for the mother who said she has no time for blogging because she has a life........fie on her!
Some days it's only the blogging that makes it worthwhile chewing through the leather straps.

tattyhousehastings said...

Thanks for your support Sandra, and yes, blogging definitely a keeping sane device. I had actually wondered about starting a craft type business but am not very good at it! Also wanted to write but again..not that good to actually get paid or anything.
Will have to just keep exploring options...

Sandra Morris said...

Good excuse to try various different options.....call it research.
Hastings is chock full of people doing all manner of weird and wonderful things as small businesses and some of them actually get paid.
How about signing up for a morning class doing something you'd never normally consider? Or if you have a yen to write (and incidentally your blog is very well written!)
try out a creative writing course or something similar.
Again there are all sorts of possibilities....the world is your lobster.

Brax said...

Tatty

I really dont think you should worry about the mother who works full time. She is probably jealous because she lacks the courage to give up her very important career to spend precious time with her kids. Make the most of it. I am very glad my mum was there to take and meet me from school. As Sandra has said there is time to try things out now. Have you considered any of these Womens business courses/ enterprise schemes. They are all over the place. there are certainly some round by me. Various different names for them but they provide free training to help you get started in business. They are also meant to help with giving you access to free business advice ( you get your own advisor) and they reckon they boost your confidence to actually go for it. Personally so far I have had no time to attend but may do so after mid-march when I finally go full time self employed. I have an appointment to meet with an advisor. As for no time to blog what rubbish. I have a fulltime job, am self employed in own business which being a craft based business means lots of time spent making things and you know what I actually do have a life as well. Alright I am not great at fitting in blogging but I do so when I feel the need/ urge. Its often difficult to juggle it all and I do usually get up at 5am ( cant wait to go full time infact for a lie in!) to make my products before going to work in boring fulltime job, but I still manage to find time to spend with familly and with friends many of whom live 20+ miles away. Dont listen to these people. Either they are simply downright jealous or they have no energy and will be stuck in their precious, and probably completely unfullfilling jobs for the rest of their working lives. I am glad you blog. I like reading it. Also you shouldnt give up on the craft business/ writing or whatever happens to suddenly inspire you. You never know where it may lead.

tattyhousehastings said...

Aww, feel better now Brax
Thank you!