Friday, 21 December 2007

Things I simply can't understand

I've been pondering this for a long time, for some reason there are many things I just can't get, no matter how many times people tell me, or patiently explain.

1. Water does not actually boil at 100%. This is a fallacy, because it never has. My physics teacher made the mistake of telling me this, and I've never quite got over the ability of the age of enlightenment, or science to just 'pretend'.
2. Long division, I was stuck on this at primary school, and never made it back.
3. At school, again, that 3 times 3 is not 6, goodness knows why I couldn't understand this but bore the shame of being at the bottom of the times table ladder for a whole year because of this. And I wasn't in the colouring worksheets only set.
4. Why anyone would drink gin and tonic without ice and a slice of lemon, or preferably lime. It perfects the drink in to a sublime experience.
5. Meat sausages, who in their right mind would eat this, bit of minced up gristle (what is that anyway?) and ground ears. No thanks.
6. Blood - how can more be pumped in to you when your own is going out, and it works? Mystery.
7. Fantasy novels - what's the point of giant turtles that people live on, penned by people with beards (nothing against beards though per so, obviously would not want to actually have one when seventy - or sooner. Fortunately they don't run in my family, so think will be ok for that one.
8. School uniforms - again, what's the point, they're not actually cheaper, children find their own 'uniform' of belonging anyway, and they are usually made of nasty nylon with stay press trouser creases.
9. How to make a fire, that actually works, despite having lovely log burner, have to enlist help of others - hello, neighbours, to make it have flames.
10. Semolina - eyes in a pudding anyone?
11. Why chocolate custard is a good thing, when all it is actually is runny blamonge, which is just made out of afore mentioned ground up ears and bones (oh, alright gelatine).
12. Why you have to look out of the rear window backwards when reversing. Going backwards is just hard all together.
13. Those maths puzzles where a man digs a road for ten hours with a brick, then his friend helps then they go to the cafe, how much do you owe them?

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